Why 1000 Foods to eat before you die?
A bucket list that will surely outlive me
I am creeping ever closer to 50 and have spent much of my life being a people-pleaser. Avoiding events and holidays to appease my family who always disapproved on such things as “fun” or “relaxation” (unless it involved them, of course).
It took me so many years to realise that this was not normal, but what was less normal was me accepting that this was ok. That I should be bombarded with texts on a day that I’m out with friends, being reminded that my family are at home, alone, and not to have too much fun.
It took me this much time to make the choice to choose me over an imposed duty that stopped me from pursuing my dreams. If I have any regrets, that would be that it did take this long. I am more than halfway through my life now, a life lived for others, and it’s time that I start living for myself.
I don’t want to be a Debbie downer and dwell on this for too long, but I also want to share the fact that I come from a family with undiagnosed BPD or narcissism. It has exhausted me. Walking away exhausted me. I spend so much time sleeping now, trying to rebuild myself. Learning to turn off the anxiety trigger that was every text received. To not feel guilt at going out without my family members. To not feel shame for being in love and experiencing the feelings that come with that.
1000 Foods is my way of reclaiming what I love: to go out and explore and eat and enjoy life and be positive. For so long I thought that this part of me had shrivelled, like the courgettes we always leave in the vegetable drawer of the fridge, and that this was my destiny.
Until I rewrote that destiny.
There is so much more to this story, and if anyone is interested, I will share it, but for now, let’s share 1000 foods, and let’s discover a thousand more.